Turbo mayonnaise

This is a simple old fashioned full bodied mayonnaise that beats most commercial products for full background flavour. I add some extra turbo flavours to turbocharge it.

Introduction

You probably know children that never think that Dad can make anything that is better than the junk that you buy in a shop with a printed ‘use by’ or ‘best before’ date (and then get left neglected and cringing in the fridge).

Well, to my daughter this recipe breaks that rule quite emphatically. So I thought that it was worth sharing with such an endorsement.

[Photo of crumbed calamari rings with a dollop of turbo mayonnaise]

Turbo mayonnaise recipe

• A can of sweetened condensed milk,
• 1/2-2/3 can of vinegar (depending on the desired acidity),
• 1 heaped spn of brown sugar,
• 1-2 tspn mustard powder (depending on desired hotness),
• A grind of pepper
• 2 tsp of vanilla essence.
• 1 tspn curry powder,
• 1 tspn ground fennel seed and
• 1 tspn whole fennel seeds,

“Yes, I know it is a bit wicked, but if it makes eating salad, coleslaw and seafood a joy then this wickedness is neutralized”.

The ingredients can be mixed in any order. However, some of the spices are hydrophobic and tend to clump or lump. Also, the main chemical reaction is one of rapid denaturing of the milk protein, with the acidic vinegar, to rapidly make a thick clotted mix. After clotting starts, there should be no more mixing if the best texture is to be achieved.

Below is a simple and easy mixing method. The order is critical and the result is perfect every time without any mess other than a spatula to wash and a condensed milk can to be ‘licked out’ by that lucky person.

Add all the dry ingredients and essence to what will be the eventual storage jar (preferably a glass jar with a plastic screw cap lid that will not rust).

Mix the above ingredients in evenly with the sugar as a triturating agent “Now there is a nice word from the laboratory to use at the breakfast table.” Use a silicon rubber spatula and add a little of the vinegar to make a thin paste and mix to remove any lumps. Dilute the paste with the remaining vinegar and mix well.

Open the can of sweetened condensed milk and pour it into the vinegar and spice mix. It will sink to the bottom of the jar without any tendency to mix.

Close the jar and quickly invert it and shake ‘the living daylight out of it’ for a few seconds and the job is done. Allow the turbo mayonnaise to settle and coagulate in the fridge. Also, find a suitable person to ‘lick out’ the tin. You would never guess who that would be.

Tim